Exploiting That Freedom
24 Jan 2012 2 Comments
by jillinthebox90 in Home, No Expectations Tags: 2012, Apathy, Awareness, Black, Home&Co., Hypocrisy, Ignorance is not always blissful, Individuality, Life in a New Land, Mera Sixty-Deka Duith, Pressure, Soul Searching, Trying Times, Youth
First impressions count. As kids we are taught not to judge a book by its cover. As adults we are told that it is important to look best when presenting oneself the first time: ideally an interview.
However, there is a certain segment of society who has facial issues, literally. I for one, empathise with them. Or maybe I am one of them. I do try to look presentable, most of the time at least, but still, it is just not enough. Since adolescence, I looked the “type” who disobeyed her parents, smoked up and hooked up with random boys. Maybe the penultimate and the last phrases have been blessed with hyperbole. Point being, I looked “that” type.
In reality however, things weren’t as rosy. I was given freedom, apparently lots of it – as I was told by some of the kids who grew up. But I never really found the necessity to well, misuse it. I’d rather stay at home and sleep with no disturbances as opposed to bringing friends over and throwing Hollywood-inspired house parties. The only house parties I did enjoy were the ones I threw for my Sims. I was allowed to go wherever I wanted to, and leaving aside the exception of say, two or three instances, my Mum and I never seemed to disagree on where I could and could not go.
Also, I apparently have a very cool Mum. She is cool, I agree. But I think what makes her “cooler” is the fact that my Sister and I made it a point, since childhood to tell her things, as opposed to keeping it away from her. Thereby we were given freedom, and most importantly trusted.
But that is not the point is it? Maybe due to the overlapping of ethnicities, us siblings may not have the typical Melayu babath mukha or sharp Kandyan features. So what if my sister likes experimenting with her hair and I enjoy drilling my ears with jewellery? Conventionally speaking and observing, such activities speak of questionable upbringing, indecency and of course the unfailing “that” type.
So I am told that I look Indian now. Furthermore, my accent compliments my features.
In non-Indian clothes and regular jewellery, all I need is a bottle on my left and a cigarette in my right.
Passive smoking is cool, the cigarette tastes a little blah to me though.
Bottles are a big no-no.
It doesn’t make a different though does it?
She is still “that” type.
Oh fuck em all. Re-evaluate your own kids before you make your pass your blessed verdict on others.
The Ugly Truth
22 Jan 2012 2 Comments
by jillinthebox90 in Home, No Expectations Tags: 2012, Apathy, Awareness, Black, Blogging, Devil #win, Faith, Hypocrisy, Ignorance is not always blissful, Individuality, Life in a New Land, Mera Sixty-Deka Duith, Pressure, Soul Searching, Trying Times
The title remains blank. Clearly we all don’t start by naming things. It might work for some people, if not all.
Possibly as a result of watching too many serials, – yes besides the fact of transforming to a bed-potato, since “couch” doesn’t seem to work in my context, – it gets you thinking about: how much of time you waste, how you could be productive otherwise, why the director made him stand that way while saying those lines to her, why does the storyline seem familiar and to an extent applicable to your own?
A good friend was telling me lately of the story of the idiot box. How information is easily available and how we make even less of an effort in extracting it. We are indeed in the “Age of the Stupid”.
I say I can’t write any more because my muse – Heaven forbid the existence of any months before – has found its way out of my, uhm soul? Whatever I do write now, or blog, since that has become synonymous to writing, is pathetic. But then, it’s not as though good writing for equivalent to my writing anyway.
I hardly read. My writing is horrendous. I’m worried about how fucked up the world is that I refuse accept my own fucked up life.
A title finds it self to the post.
I assume that I find my work-life balance.
We all live in our own little assumptions, interpretations and complexities. No one really gives a rat’s bottom about an awful post, an equally awful blog and a fucked up title. Nope, no one really cares.
That Love-Hate Relationship
17 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
by jillinthebox90 in Home, No Expectations Tags: 2012, Apathy, Awareness, Black, Blogging, Faith, First-timers, Individuality, Life in a New Land, Planner, Pressure, Theatre, Yindiar, Youth
I don’t know what else to call it. I know for sure that it doesn’t reach either extreme of the afore mentioned emotions but it reaches near there all right.
It is one that is defined by unwanted telephone calls, verbal lashings – silently endured and responded to from one end – heights of disrespect from either end, but still it survives.
I wonder if there is a mutual ground that we both stand on. We work for the same cause I agree. The other’s motives maybe slightly different from mine. Clearly, it has to be. However, it is not as though we even have a common enemy that we are up against.
The binary of the two is obvious. One is undoubtedly more authoritative than the other. Yet, the other knows that the relationship has to co-exist.
What I do not understand further is that we do have our moments of mirth, sometimes perhaps unknown to others.
I do acknowledge that God is great. I also do acknowledge that sometimes, some things were not meant for our understanding.
We No Longer Have Time to Save the World
16 Jan 2012 2 Comments
by jillinthebox90 in Home, No Expectations Tags: 2012, Apathy, Black, Blogging, Developing Countries, Devil #win, Environment, Faith, Hypocrisy, Ignorance is not always blissful, Life in a New Land, Pressure, Soul Searching, Sri Lanka, Trying Times, Yindiar, Youth
I used to be an environmentalist. Then I came to India.
With all due respect to Indians, this is not me being my usual racist ways but I am truly and deeply concerned. The country has astounding rates of poverty – no I do not know the figures but I know it is bad – it is overpopulated – contradict me, but when there isn’t room to budge in the street, yes it is crowded – and no one is doing anything about it.
The place where I live: a reputed girls hostel in an even more reputed educational institution. I was surprised at how much of food – purchased from outside – was wasted, how many lights were left on, taps unclosed but then my bewilderment was nothing in comparison to what it was upon the dawn of Christmas. While gaudy may perhaps be the ideal term to describe the decorations, the number of lights used – not even CFL mind you – were just, so many. To my utter amazement, while most electricity was consumed by these ugly – I know that everything is beautiful in its own way, but even the term grotesque beauty would not suffice to describe the pathetic state of the driveway.
That’s when it dawned on me. Please note that my observations are entirely objective.
The West maybe is not so keen on letting the East come to power because they wouldn’t want consumers of a similar nature in this world. On the contrary, like most in the East, I do agree that the West would not want to share their resources with the rest of the world. Bah. There goes our Economics lesson on the equal distribution of resources flushed down the toilet.
But then again, I cannot help but blame natural human tendencies. The more we earn and the more our purchasing power increases, the more we buy. We make ends meet and even surpass it, at times.
I agree that God did not create us perfect so that we could find our purpose in this world. Just today I was justifying man’s flaws and the search for purpose. But what happens when all our flaws submerge to the same big fat ugly truth?
I used to be an environmentalist. Then I grew up. I manage my expenses less and I’m also ashamed of myself when compared to what, my philosophies once were. India only opened my eyes to the reality I was denying.
